Voting is a pain in the ass, You have to go inside some elementary school and feel like a goddamn pedophile and vote for people you have never heard of. Good news! I’ve done the research for you! Since a huge population of my readers and listeners are Kansas City residents (grassroots campaigning works!), this…
Sharknado capitalizes on the public’s want to not be taken seriously. We all want to be stupid. This isn’t new. Ignorance is bliss is why normal people like to identify with Forrest Gump and Raymond Babbitt. To throw away any reminder of adulthood and the pain we identify with growing up and replace it with a…
When I was in high school, I found my childhood dog, Cody, lying at the bottom of the basement stairs unable to move. He wasn’t injured, but for some reason he could not get up the stairs. I knew something was wrong and called a friend to drive me and Cody to the vet. The…
There are very few careers available where simply getting a formal education specific to the industry will land you a job. Unless the job requires a specific postgraduate degree to be legally qualified (doctor, lawyer, etc.), chances are your dream job will be snatched up by someone who majored in Renaissance Literature or something equally…
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they chokehold you? That seems to be the theme for the NYPD. For whatever reason, they cannot seem to stop beating the ever living shit out of people. The real question: Does the NYPD have a serious issue with power of abuse OR are…
Watergate. Iran-Contra. Monica Lewinsky’s cum-stained dress. The above are good examples of what journalism and news used to be. No listicles. No aggregation. Just trained and educated journalists reporting the facts (and only the facts) so that the individual reader can form their own opinion. I may be sourcing news from others, but I intend…
Think about the stupid shit you did in high school. Now imagine all of those shenanigans being broadcasted to the world, which you will be held responsible for your entire life, despite a thing called maturing and change. Welcome to the digital age! I am fortunate enough to have barely missed the social media age…
One fascinating aspect about human nature is our yearning to hate. Over the centuries, most of us have gotten over our discontent with women, blacks, Jews, witches, gypsies, Daniel from middle school and whoever else has been oppressed. As soon as we get over our hate from one group, we move to another. Most recently, we…
Remember that stupid tribal and/or butterfly tattoo you ran out to get when you turned 18? It’s going to cost you more than $150, a little pain and a lot of regret. It can also cost you your shitty job. A Starbucks employee has 30 days to remove a tattoo or lose her job.…
Those of you who are familiar with me or have listened to the podcast probably know that I am a huge 311 fan. With a high energy live show that can convert any casual listener, 311 have reached to what I refer to as the perfect level of success. I have always applauded their rhythm…
If you listen to Soundtrack of the Week, then you know how much I hate people. It even says so on my Twitter bio. Compiling a list of people who can “eat a bowl of dicks” would be time consuming. In fact, it will be easier to list off the people who can eat a…
When saying what you mean is superseded by what people think you mean. “We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it’s not cowardly.” These are the words that many thought would have ended Bill Maher’s…
According to the Westboro Baptist Church and every other asshole (homophobe), gays are everywhere. According to the latest Center for Disease Control study, they are hiding and not in the closet. A National Health Statistics Report reveals that 96.6% of Americans identify as straight, 1.6% gay or lesbian, 0.1% bisexual and the remaining 1.1%…
“It’s a big country. The costs of living, especially housing, vary widely in America from state to state and city to city.” “Private industry and the free market are already taking care of it.” “It would eliminate jobs.” “It would reduce the incentive for low-wage workers to get an education and move up to a…
Find the de Broglie wavelength associated with an alpha particle emitted with a kinetic energy of 1 MeV by the nucleus of an atom of radon. Can’t do it? Blame your idiot parents and God. A recent study reveals that half of your intelligence is genetic. More specifically, about half of a child’s ability to…
Stand up. Now look down. Can you see your penis and/or* vagina? No? Maybe all you need to do is take a walk. A new study reveals that less exercise, not more calories, is responsible for obesity. The Stanford research shows that in the past 20 years total daily calorie, fat, carbohydrate…
This next story has all types of WTF in it. Police want to take a dick pic of a 17-year-old to prove a case. More specifically, an erect dick pic. Even more specifically, the police want to take him to a hospital, inject him with whatever the fuck porn stars use and snap pictures…
Are you a manipulative, antisocial narcissist? Congratulations! You are going to excel in your career! A recent study reveals that people who exhibit manipulative, narcissistic and/or antisocial behavior are more likely to climb the corporate ladder. In other words, nice guys finish last and assholes will be your boss. Pretty accurate, right? The article goes…
If you have ever mimicked a yell at Arlington Cemetery in a photo or made an AIDS joke on Twitter en route to Africa that went viral, you know very well that fake Internet outrage (aka Internet vigilante justice) is a dangerous thing. People’s lives are ruined for insignificant, meaningless things thanks to those on…
Why Pink Floyd’s “new” album doesn’t matter. In 1994, Pink Floyd released their last album, The Division Bell. It was their only album to reach #1 on every major market on the globe. In terms of rock music, this would seem like a success, that a band dominated the charts nearly thirty years after their…
Fox News has the slogan “Fair & Balanced.” Even though that is full of shit, that is the mantra for journalists everywhere. But should everyone’s voice get fair and balanced treatment? No, and BBC News agrees. Recently, the BBC announced that they will reduce air time for idiots, i.e. stop giving people with…
I hope everyone had a great Independence Day full of beer, food, fireworks and racism. If you didn’t, may I suggest attending the Fourth of July parade in Norfolk, Neb., next year? In addition to not much else, they have a great parade that features floats like the one above. Yes, that float portrays Obama’s…
Unassociated Press 