Secret to Not Being a Fat Ass Revealed! (You WILL Believe It!)


Stand up.


Now look down.


Can you see your penis and/or* vagina? No? Maybe all you need to do is take a walk. A new study reveals that less exercise, not more calories, is responsible for obesity.


The Stanford research shows that in the past 20 years total daily calorie, fat, carbohydrate and protein consumption has remained unchanged. Yet, the obesity rate is climbing. The same report reveals that U.S. adult women who reported no physical activity jumped from 19.1% in 1994 to 51.7% in 2010. For men, 11.4% in 1944 to 43.5% in 2010.


While Michelle Obama and Michael Bloomberg and everyone else with a variation of Michael/Michelle are trying to ban everything that is unhealthy, the real problem is that we’re lazy. Don’t get me wrong, replace Grilled Stuffed Burrito™ with a goddamn apple every now and then.


I think a lot of this has to do with the acceptance of being overweight or the lack of fat shaming. Rather than discourage being overweight, campaigns abercrombie-and-fitch-fat-beautiful-attractive-woman-5like the one below embraces it. Only 19% of women in 1994 reported no physical activity compared to over 50% in 2010! Were the women of 1994 lying? Doesn’t matter. If they were truthful, it was because being overweight was unacceptable.** If they were lying—i.e., way more than 19% were actually not active—it was because they were ashamed to admit it.


Today, more than half of women had no problem reporting that they were not active. It is consistent with the notion that fat is beautiful. There is no incentive to be healthy, and there is no shame in being overweight. This is mostly true for women, but also applies to men on a smaller scale. If you want people to stop doing something, shame them! Ostracize them! It worked wonders with smokers.


I workout 4-5 days a week and maintain a very healthy diet Monday through Friday. I very rarely talk about it because I almost feel like an outsider when or if I do. Just the other day I injured my wrist working out and wore a brace. When a coworker asked what happened, I sheepishly and hesitantly said it was a workout injury. I also get weird looks when turning down donuts and food runs. Active, healthy people are viewed as dull, pretentious douchebags. Honestly, I don’t give a shit considering I’m going to live long enough to go to their heart attack-induced funerals.


Another culprit are the Dr. Oz’s of the world. You know, the people who hock “miracle” diet pills and other weight loss products that appeals to lazy, instant gratification. NEWS FLASH: There are no instant solutions to weight loss! Eat healthy, exercise, profit. It has worked since the beginning of mankind and no pill or machine will change the molecular structure of your biology!


If fat is the new beautiful, I have no problem “taking one for the team” and picking up the ugly friend. Actually, I can profit off this dumbass society.




* must be PC and not exclude hermaphrodites

** for better or worse; it probably had more to do with sexual objectification than being healthy. Consult for details about that.


saw this on Facebook one hour after posting this article: 14 Things Every Fat Girl Absolutely Needs to Hear 

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