Get Bad Grades In School? Blame Your Parents…And God!


Find the de Broglie wavelength associated with an alpha particle emitted with a kinetic energy of 1 MeV by the nucleus of an atom of radon. Can’t do it? Blame your idiot parents and God.

A recent study reveals that half of your intelligence is genetic. More specifically, about half of a child’s ability to learn lies within their DNA. Research involving identical twins and fraternal friends concluded that identical twins had scores that were twice as similar as fraternal twins. Therefore, DNA was responsible for how smart (or stupid) they were.

This flies right in the face of the infamous motivational saying our parents have been preaching: “You can do whatever you want in life if you apply yourself.”

NEWS FLASH: No. No you cannot.

Even if you apply yourself 100%, some of you cannot be astronauts because your mom and dad are both fucking idiots. The fact of the matter is that we are all limited to what we can do in life. We don’t like hearing that simply because it minimizes how much freewill we actually have.

Environmental factors aside, it helps explain why the children of successful people go on to become successful themselves and how poor people remain poor. Yes, we can talk about how the opportunities they were exposed to increased their chances exponentially, but now we know that there is a biological factor as well.math-e1373258277764

Rich kids get an economical, environmental and biological advantage.

The good news: we can feel better about our lack of achievements now. I never became a doctor NOT because of my lack of applying myself (I was a pre-med for a year before I said “Fuck it”) but because I am literally biologically unable to do so. Unfortunately, most jobs that have high salaries require a high aptitude for upper-level math and reading.

If your parents are underachievers, you better hope to god that they purposely chose a simple life so they can nurture their superior intellect. On the other hand, if that isn’t the case, you can totally justify going to art school like I can now totally justify getting a journalism degree.

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