Que “Hail to the Chief”
The abortion that is known as a presidential campaign year is now over, so everybody can breathe a huge sigh of relief…unless you’re a conservative/republican. In that case, you will probably be stewing in hate for another four years. This past presidential election revealed how divided this country truly is. Even though I find it ignorant to be completely aligned to one party across the board, it is understandable. However, it is still no excuse to reject everything the government is doing and spread hate. That’s exactly what happened this year. The losing voters have made it clear that they will not stand for anything that goes on in America the next four years. Rather than admit that they share a minority opinion, respectively lose and attempt to work with what they got, conservatives and Republicans have essentially declared war. They want a better country, but ironically, this mentality will destroy it, and that’s exactly what they want. Republicans WANT this country to go down in flames under Obama’s watch. Working with the president and turning things around for the better will make their accusations null and void. We have become so selfish as a society that we would rather see everyone suffer than see our opposition succeed. Politicians can’t single-handedly destroy America. It takes two to tango, and the other party in this dance are the people supporting the politicians. If you don’t agree with the government, help change it or get the fuck out. By the way, posting negative comments and propaganda on Facebook is only making things worse. Actually get up and do something (that isn’t violent or hateful) or shut the fuck up…and enjoy THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP!
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and you know what that means: Black Friday! We can change now change the name to Black Thursday because Walmart has moved Black Friday up to Thanksgiving. Rather than open at 4am on Friday, Walmart will open at 8pm on Thursday, because they decided that spending Thanksgiving with your family and enjoying a holiday peacefully is for pussies. Soon enough, this will be like how the Easter bunny exhibit at the mall will open two days after Christmas; Black Friday will eventually start in April. Nothing says “American holiday” like trampling over the body of a lifeless senior citizen in order to get $50 off on a new iPad Mini. For a list of hot items, go to www.killyourself.com.
If someone buys you an iPhone 5 on Black Thursday and you turn in your old one at your provider’s store, make sure you delete all of your nude pictures, you dirty hooker. A Verizon employee stole nude photos on a woman’s phone. Some dude at Verizon found nudes on a customer’s phone and showed a male customer. The customer told the woman of the incident. Why? Good Samaritan? Gay? Nope. He knew the woman. Although the focus of this story should be on how cell phone store employees have access to your private information and can easily exploit it, I want to talk about the snitch. Obviously, this guy wants to bang her. He has probably been rejected by the woman several times and thought this would get him in. Chances are that it won’t happen like this…it never does. He should have asked for the employee to send him the nudes on his phone. At least that way he can jerk off to them later. It’s the closest he’ll ever get.
One common them in every election is the rewards of working hard in America. It doesn’t matter who you are; if you work your ass off, you’ll make good money and be able to retire. Except for all that is bullshit now. A college degree will get you a job at the luxurious rate of $15/hr and younger workers may never be able to retire. The Washington Post explored the economic environment and found that companies—for both the private and public sectors—are cutting pensions. Republicans will blame liberal taxes and Democrats will blame corporate greed. While both sides are pointing fingers at each other, the younger generations are sitting helpless on the sidelines while watching their futures look more and more depressing. The point of going to college was to get a good job. The point of getting a good job was earn a comfortable living and support your family and yourself after the age of 65. None of that matters, because that is all a pipe dream now. The worst part is the fact that some of the biggest corporations in the world are cutting pensions. Unless you hit the 1% mark, all of your hard work won’t mean shit later in life. As long as we keep buying iPhones the day they are released and kill each other on Black Friday/Thursday, Big Corporation will not give a shit. And why are we consuming so much if we can’t retire? We make no sense whatsoever.
Hurricane Sandy left the Northeast with a major gas shortage last week. What do you do when there is a shortage on a hot item? Exploit it for sex! Several people tried trading gas for sex on Craigslist. That pretty much sums up how the apocalypse is going to look like. All of the natural resources will dry up. In result, anarchy ensues worldwide. Wild animals take over the cities. Governments and their military are overthrown. And people will be blowing each other for AAA batteries for their vibrators, ironically. Stock up on gasoline, oil, batteries and other necessities. Some day—maybe soon—it can turn you into a pussy magnet.
It’s no secret that Chinese kids are smarter than us. The secret lies in how they do it. Not any more! I found the secret! A Chinese teacher rewarded good grades by wearing a French maid outfit. In America, good grades are rewarded with gold star stickers, candy (obesity explained), a worthless certificate or a pat on the back. In China, good grades are rewarded with your teacher looking like the slut you imagined in your head while masturbating. Let’s be honest, it’s usually the male students that are falling behind in class. If you tell those 16-year-old slackers that teacher will look like a whore if your 60% turns to an 80%, you’ll be amazed at how many kids in Metallica t-shirts are actually in the library studying. America is falling behind academically. Get on it, hot female teachers!
How can you tell when Hollywood has officially ran out of ideas? When they bring back the show “Boy Meets World.” Yeah, that’s happening. This time, the show will follow Cory and Topanga’s daughter, and it will be called “Girl Meets World.” When someone approaches a Disney executive with this and it gets the green light, it means we have all gone retarded creatively. That or said executive really wants to bang Topanga and baited her with this bribe. In that case, I totally understand.
What To Look Forward To On “Episode 116: Time Are a-Changin’” of Soundtrack of the Week:
- Most intense golf coach ever
- Brian Williams is unimpressed with Donald Trump
- MTV explains why they don’t play music videos anymore
- How the Republicans lost (read about it here, here, and here)
- The changing course of society
- The perils of online dating
- The dating woes of Ty, Meredith and Mitch
For more news and commentary that will chronicle the destruction of America thanks to OBAMA*, listen to Soundtrack of the Week on www.soundtrackoftheweek.com, iTunes, and on your smartphone via Stitcher Radio (Twitter page at @SOTWpodcast). Also follow Ty on Twitter at @TySOTW. If you don’t, you probably support Barack HUSSEIN Obama.*
* Not to be taken seriously, for all you idiots out there
Unassociated Press 