Tragedy struck twice last with two shooting in two different parts of the country. In Oregon, a gunman killed two people inside a mall before taking his own life. Three days later, a 20-year-old male—certainly cannot call him a man—walked into an elementary school and took the lives of 20 children, six adult faculty members, his own mother and finally, himself. In result, the country has been a rollercoaster of emotion. On one hand, we all are pouring out our support and sympathy to the victims and their families; we are united in emotion. On the other hand, the nation is completely divided with discussions about gun control, to the point where we are close to killing each other, ironically. Let me help end the discussion on gun control. To those wanting stricter gun laws: it doesn’t fucking matter. To those of you wanting everyone to carry a weapon: it doesn’t fucking matter. More guns, less guns…it doesn’t fucking matter, so please shut the fuck up! The fact of the matter is this was an isolated, random act of violence. Just because it occurred three days after another shooting means nothing. Unless we start seeing incidents like this happen every week, these tragic events are nothing more than anomalies. You cannot prevent abnormalities, because…well…they’re abnormal! We see ONE tragic event every six months and all of a sudden, the country is in a crisis. But we’re not. We don’t live in a utopian society. This is reality where sometimes bad things happen. The difference between a society who has its shit together and one that does not is ensuring the bad things happen infrequently. Despite what you want to believe, tragic events are very infrequent in the United States. We might not be as well off as Canada or Japan or Denmark, but it’s pretty damn safe over here. As soon as shit hits the fan here, everyone freaks out as if it’s the Gaza Strip. Look, what happened in Connecticut is horrible and people should show support and be sympathetic. What we should not do is pretend that what happened is indicative of a society imploding. The best way to prevent someone from going psycho on us is 1) good parenting and 2) having the media quit sensationalizing horrific acts of violence. If a kid has great parents and the media took an oath to never whore out violent crimes, you can bully said kid every day, hand him a suitcase full of assault weapons, and guess what would happen…NOTHING! However, just like everyone was a all of a sudden a lifelong supporter of domestic violence support groups after the Javon Belcher incident, this gun control issue will go away by the time we’re popping champagne on New Year’s Eve. Good, because it’s a non-issue. Want to know what else prevents psychotic episodes of murder? THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP!

I can understand why a lot of people—especially those in the military—are suggesting that we all lock and load when you consider an increasing amount of soldiers are being dismissed for being fat. Obesity is now the leading cause of ineligibility for the army. Since we can’t stand a chance in face-to-face combat, we might as well start packing. This society is becoming more and more like the movie Idiocracy. Everyone is getting fatter and lazier. Our military will consist of a bunch of overweight men and women in uniform. We’ll be the laughing stock of the world at this rate. Domestic violence sucks, but it’s not a pandemic. Violent crimes with guns are a terrible thing, but it is not a pandemic. Obesity is a serious health concern, and it IS a pandemic. Ironically, while we are lobbying for more regulation on domestic and gun violence, there are PSAs urging people to not insult fat people, plus-sized mannequins are being displayed to include fat people, and the country was more distraught over Hostess going out of business than the elementary school massacre. Why? It’s simple. Blaming current laws (or the lack thereof) is much easier to do than putting the blame on ourselves. Fact: we are all to blame for damn near everything that happens. Since we cannot deflect the blame of obesity from ourselves to the government or anyone else, we choose to ignore it. We all know that getting to the point of being overweight is a result of personal choices, but for some reason, we are labeled as an asshole for saying it. In order to save face, we just ignore it. Just imagine how history books of the future will describe the United States in one chapter. It is not easy to see the forest for the trees, but the image we’ll have won’t be flattering…just like your HUGE ass!

Speaking of obesity, customers at a restaurant were called “Fat Girls” on their bill. After drinking some sodas and eating some tri-tips and fries at Chilly D’s in Stockton, California, three friends received this at their table:

The ladies were even more pissed off when the manager made a counteroffer of a 50% discount after the ladies demanded they get their food for free. First of all, Jeff (the server) is a dumbass for leaving the description on the bill. He should fired. Not because of the “insensitive” description, but because Jeff is an idiot. You don’t want idiots working for you. Second: the manager should be fired as well. When Jeff makes a stupid mistake like this, you have no choice but to do some damage control. The only way to satisfy a customer this pissed off is to foot the bill. Giving fat people free food usually does the trick, which leads to my third point: the three “fat girls” overreacted by going to the media about this. Why? This:

They are—as Jeff so eloquently put it—fat girls. They are not slightly overweight or a little plump. They are fat, obese, BBWs (if you’re into that sort of thing). Had these ladies been just a little overweight or less, I could see why they would be offended, but they are not. Jeff simply made an observation that helped identify a table. If they were black guys, Jeff probably would have typed in “Black Guys.” Not offensive, just an observation. Unlike the Black Guys, if these girls do not like being called fat, they can do something about that. However, they choose not to. The more we throw the book at people like Jeff for labeling fat people fat, the more fat people will remain. Drink for every mention of the word “fat.” Fat. Fat Fat Fat Fat. Moving on.

The next time you and a friend are on a city bus, you should probably refrain from talking about that hooker you killed last night. Why? Government officials are installing audio surveillance systems on public buses. Cities across the nation are adding audio recording technology to the video surveillance that is already in place. Officials are saying it was to keep passengers safe and to resolve disputes and complaints. Conspiracists will tell you that since the Department of Homeland Security is paying for a lot of this, it’s just another way for the government and Big Brother to strip away our freedom as human being. A sane person will says, “Who gives a shit.” Too often, news will come out about some privacy issue with the government or major websites like Google and Facebook. Everybody cries “Big Brother!” and mention how they feel violated. SHUT IT! You’re an idiot! The only people who should be worried about public surveillance are those who are committing crimes. The government is not going to tell everyone you know that you’re gay after hanging out with more boyfriend—or girlfriend, depending on your sex—on the bus. Your boss won’t get a call from the government letting them you’re not really sick, and you’re wife won’t get an email saying your cheating on her with the secretary. However, they WILL knock down your door when you’re talking about robbing a bank, or bragging about a murder, or insert crime confession here. Good, law-abiding citizens should not be freaking out about these things. My browser history would make Andy Dick ashamed, yet, I give zero fucks about Google collecting that information. Why? Because I’m smart enough to know that such information isn’t going anywhere public, so why get riled up about it? If you are 100% against public surveillance, YOU are probably the person we need to be spying on. What are you hiding?!?!

Bad news for Crazy Facebook Republican Militia Guy (see: Episode 121: We’re All Gonna Die (Part I)) and all other white people: White people in the U.S. will be minorities by 2043. Census projections reveal that whites will dip below 50% of the population in 2043. Meanwhile, the Hispanic population is growing at an exponential rate. Asians are slowly increasing and blacks are at a plateau. Here’s the graph:

Here’s my analysis that will be more than likely be deemed racist: The rapid growth in Hispanics is not surprising when you consider the average female has three kids by the time she graduates high school. Obviously, I’m exaggerating*, but to ignore the fact that Hispanics have larger families than most other ethnicities would be lying to yourself. As long as you can provide for your kids and raise them well, I don’t give a shit. Otherwise, finish on the stomach—or the back, depending on the night—or wear a condom. Black men are too busy banging white women with fat asses, so the plateau amongst black people makes sense. Asians are used to the “One Child” rule, so the slow increase is not that surprising either. As for white people: we were too busy ruling the world to procreate. Add those variables to the fact that America is the Melting Pot. For the longest time, white people could only have sex with other white people due to lack of options and what they felt was morally correct. Nowadays, there are so many other races in the U.S. and it’s perfectly okay to have sexual relations with any of them. Whites and blacks have no problem with interracial relationships, and that is reflected in the graph. Hispanics and Asians generally stick with their own, with the former fucking like rabbits…that is also reflected in the graph. Call me racist, prejudice, or say that I stereotype too much, but the numbers don’t lie. Nailed it!

* Just slightly…or maybe hardly at all.

It seems like every week I come across an article that mentions something bad happening to someone (e.g. losing a job, worldwide criticism, etc.) because of a social media post. Getting fired or being ridiculed by a mass audience for angering or offending someone on the Internet is asinine and starting to become a problem. This week, a TV reporter was fired for responding to racist comments on Facebook. Long story short, a black female reporter noticed somewhat racist comments on the station’s Facebook page and addressed them. Without going into too much detail, her responses were more or less courteous rather than fueled by anger. Her tone is important since the station fired her for responding to comments on the station’s page. Not being able to defend yourself on the Internet in a courteous manner—personal or professional social media accounts—is as asinine as getting fired for doing so. Companies are so goddamn scared of lawsuits and criticism that they end up turning their employees into mindless droids with no human emotion. So why was she fired? Apparently, there was a meeting about how to approach social media that the reporter missed. Although the rule is not written down, the station discourages employees from responding to Internet comments. According to the station manager, the reporter was warned several times about this. The story changes with this information. I don’t agree with their policies, BUT if you have been told not to do something by your company, DON’T DO IT! I was once warned to not log onto my personal Twitter account at work…ONCE. Never did it after that. Why? I didn’t want to get fired. But wait…there’s more. Earlier this year, the reporter in question filed a lawsuit against her former employer, KXAN in Austin, for being “repeatedly subjected to crude and insensitive remarks about her race.” She was then fired. Eleven months later, she got fired again for this latest incident. Usually, I side with the employees in cases of being fired because of social media. Not this time. Clearly, this lady is doing something wrong. Facing racial discrimination at one job seems reasonable, but coming across the issues TWICE with two different employers back-to-back? Not likely. What is more likely is that she’s not following orders and/or is not good at her job, so they canned her. As far as being “repeatedly subjected to crude and insensitive remarks about her race,” I doubt it. She claims that KXAN left her out of advertisements and promos because she was not marketable to the mostly Caucasian audience. Even if this is true, don’t care. You work in television. Criticism based on your looks is all part of the game. It’s not racist, it’s business. Many people get turned down for jobs in the entertainment/broadcast news industry because they don’t have the look. If you can’t handle that, you’re in the wrong industry. Fortunately for this reporter, she’s black, so she can pull that card out. Overweight reporters are being discriminated against, but I’m not seeing them filing lawsuits. Also, as a black woman, she might want to try finding work away from the South (Texas and Louisiana? What did you expect?). It’s almost 2013. Racism isn’t completely gone, but it certainly isn’t happening at every job you come across.

This week in “That’s Just Fucking Sad” news, Mitt Romney had a little chat with Manny Pacquiao. Just moments before the fight with Juan Manuel Marquez, Romney visited Pacquiao and said the following:

Hi, Manny. I’m Mitt Romney. I ran for president. I lost.

Wow, that’s just fucking sad.

What To Look Forward To On “Episode 121: We’re All Gonna Die” of Soundtrack of the Week:

• John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John write a Christmas song. (Part I)
• DMX sings “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”. (Part I)
• A reading of a Facebook conversation with a psychotic Republican militia guy. (Part I)
• Newark Mayor Cory Booker tries to live off of foodstamps. (Part I)
• Michigan becomes a right-to-work state. (Part I)
• Explanation of the Mayan calendar. (Part II)
• How to spend your last day on Earth. (Part II)
• How to rebuild the world after the apocalypse. (Part II)

 

For more news and commentary that the government won’t take away,* listen to Soundtrack of the Week on www.soundtrackoftheweek.com, iTunes, and on your smartphone via Stitcher Radio (Twitter page at @SOTWpodcast). Also follow Ty on Twitter at @TySOTW. If you don’t, we WILL take away your guns, which you will probably never use anyway, considering America is pretty damn safe.

* Like your goddamn guns!