SOTW Roundup: 6/2/2013 – 6/8/2013

Occupy Gezi

Right now, there are some major protests going on in Turkey. Going by the name of Occupy Gezi, thousands of people are protesting against their government for a variety of reasons. Here’s a New York Times ad created by one of the protesters:

Over the course of Prime Minister Erdoğan’s ten-year term, we have witnessed a steady erosion of our civil rights and freedoms. Arrests of numerous journalists, artists, and elected officials and restrictions on freedom of speech, minorities’ and women’s rights all demonstrate that the ruling party is not serious about democracy.

Time and again, the Prime Minister has mocked and trivialized his nation’s concerns while Turkey’s own media have remained shamefully silent.

Unlike Occupy Wall Street, the people of Turkey are actually following through with their protests and making some noise. They are organized and have an agreement on what exactly they are upset about. Just because we are one of the most developed countries in the world doesn’t mean it is not time for us to do the same. Call it #FirstWorldProblems, but the U.S. government has been screwing with its citizens for too long. Below, you will read about how unhappy Americans are, a recent controversial Supreme Court decision, violent crime on the rise, and the NSA invading our privacy…and all this happened this WEEK! How much more needs to happen, how far will the government need to go before we say we have had enough? I say that time is now! Do it now before it’s too late. At this point, it’s not even a preemptive strike…we’ve been fucked with for awhile now. Don’t worry, we’ll also talk about titties and Nazis in THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP!

If you have been reading these Roundups or my Twitter feed or have listened to the podcast, you might come to conclusion that I am not a happy person. Well, I’m not, and chances are, neither are you. A recent study shows that only 33% of Americans are really happy with their life. According to the poll, women are slightly happier than men, and African-Americans are slightly happier than whites. As usual, this country is bringing the white man down. WHEN WILL THEY GET THEIR TIME?! In less surprising news, the more money you have, the happier you are. Mo’ money, mo’ problems MY ASS! Also, the older generation is quite happy, and why shouldn’t they be? They only fucked over the younger generations with the way they ran this country into the ground with greed and ignorance. Those with high school diplomas or less are also happier than those with a college degree. When you consider high school dropouts are making the same amount of money as a college graduate minus the student loan debt, this is not shocking either. In other words, Americans have every right to have a 33% happiness rate. In fact, it should be lower. Bad news: unless we hit the streets and protest all the bullshit that makes us unhappy like so many other countries have been doing recently, we will continue to be miserable. Damn The Man!

The Millennials are getting a bad rap for being a bunch of retarded, self-entitled assholes. If this is true, I blame their parents. Case in point: Nicole’s mom wants YOU to pay for her rent.* Long story short: a girl straight out of Compton high school rented her first home with some friends and decided to jump into the pool…from her roof…and she failed. The YouTube video was taken down, but Gawker still has the hilarious epic fail here. Now, Nicole is in a wheelchair because of two broken feet and cannot work, therefore, cannot pay rent for her new home. Rather than have her roommates find a replacement and go back home to recover, Nicole’s mom wants all of us to chip in and pay for six month’s worth of rent and the cost of living. At least we know where Nicole got her irresponsible, dumbshit behavior from. Rather than teach her child about responsibility, humility and a slew of other things we learn the hard way as young adults, this lady is using a Kickstarter-like website as her own personal Internet welfare. Nicole is going to grow up thinking that everything is going to be just handed her. Then again, it’s not surprising that when you look like Nicole’s mom (see below), your odds of being an exemplary parent reduce dramatically.**

* If I find out that any of you donated money to this, I will personally come to your home and burn it down.

** Just found out that Nicole’s mom, Carrie R. Yunker, tried to get health insurance for Nicole AFTER this incident and was SURPRISED when the insurance ruled the injury a pre-existing condition, thus, making her pay for the bills. #SMH

Nicole's Mom

Why is there something rather than nothing? Do we have free will? What is with today today? These are deep questions that most of us will never think about or can never really wrap our minds around…mostly because we’re dumb. Not the French! French high schools are making philosophy classes mandatory. In a move to increase intelligence, teenagers in France are getting deep into philosophy, and we’re not talking about regurgitating the history of philosophy. Teens are writing papers about some very intellectual topics like the ones above. This is the reason Europeans are smarter than Americans. The U.S. public school system does nothing more than hone our skills to memorize trivial bullshit. We get a little bit of history on a subject, a little bit of factual information, we memorize it for a test and instantly forget about it. Philosophy forces us to learn from others and then APPLY that information to form our own original thoughts and opinions. We do too much memorizing and not enough real world application. Knowing when and where the printing press was invented is not going to make you a journalist. We should probably accept that evolution is a real thing first. Baby steps. Jesus Christ, we are dumb!

Celebrities give their kids some really stupid names, e.g. Apple, Blue Ivy, etc. However, Heath Campbell has them beat. You might remember back in 2008 when Mr. Campbell was in the news when a store refused to make his son’s birthday cake. Why? Because his son’s name is Adolf Hitler Campbell! Heath’s three other kids didn’t get off easy either: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, Honzlynn Jeannie Campbell, and Heinrich Hons Campbell. Mr. Campbell is back in the news after he showed up to a custody hearing in a Nazi uniform. I’m not a lawyer, but that was probably a bad move. Said Campbell,

Basically, what they’re saying is because of my beliefs and I’m a Nazi, that us people don’t have any constitutional rights to fight for our children.

Yes, that is exactly what we are saying. To his credit, Mr. Campbell is not fighting for his children by eradicating six million Jews, so there’s that. Heath has stated before that he is not a fan of Hitler’s atrocities, which makes him the worst Nazi ever. Perhaps he should have rights to his kids. After all, we can’t judge, right? Haha, nope! Just kidding! Judging people is awesome, and here’s a good example why. Side note: surprisingly, this happened in New Jersey, NOT Florida.

Nazi Dad

The Supreme Court made a ruling that many people disagree with. Police can now obtain a DNA sample from you during an arrest. Keep in mind that before this decision, police could only obtain DNA samples from those who were convicted or voluntarily allowed it. Now, all that needs to happen is an arrest, and your DNA is on file. Why? Well, it’s pretty simple: 1) to identify the person and 2) to link that person to possible other crimes committed where DNA evidence is available. As always, the über-paranoid Left is turning this into a tinfoil hat conspiracy theory. They claim that having 13 identifier sequences on file will be used against us by the police state who might want to frame a revolutionary protester who undermines the government. I’m sure they can give you a thousand other examples of how this will be used against us, all of which are asinine. The truth is, having DNA samples on file will exonerate the innocent and convict the guilty. Crimes will be solved much quicker and much more efficiently, thus, freeing up time and money from law enforcement and the court system. No one who leads a decent life void of crime should be worried about this. Anyone who hates this idea must have something to hide…or is just a crazy conspiracy theory nutjob.

When you think of jobs that hot women have, what comes to mind? Waitress? Stripper? Model? Cab driver?* If you said, military officer I would have called you crazy last week. Not anymore! Israeli military disciplines female soldiers for posting racy photos on Facebook. You can see the pictures below. O_O Holy hell! If that is what the soldiers look like in Israel, I think I found my new place of residence. The Holy Land indeed! I guess when dodging bombs and gunfire is a daily routine, the least God can do is load the country up with this:

Israeli Soldiers

* Yeah, me neither, but I saw one the other day…what in the name of all that is holy???

We should probably recruit some of those hot soldiers to protect the United States. “From who?” you ask? Ourselves! Violent crime rose last year in the U.S., FBI says. Occurring mostly in the large cities—which statistically, is not a shocker—this is the first time since 2006 violent crimes have increased. With the rate of happiness declining, murder rates increasing and people becoming more and more broke, I’m still failing to see why we are not within arm’s reach of a revolution of some sort. This isn’t an Obama thing. Actually, it’s not even a Republican/Democrat thing. This is a complete failure across the board on the government and law enforcements agencies from the local level to the federal. Too many politicians are making safe career moves when determining laws and actions. Law enforcement is spending too much time writing chicken-shit tickets and busting stoners while real criminals are raping and pillaging. At my day job, I get reports of most violent crimes that happen, and what the media reports is only a tiny fraction of what is really going on. At the end of the day, it comes down to parenting. Good parents don’t raise violent criminals. If you’re not ready to care for a child, DON’T. Unfit parents are why bad things happen. It’s that simple.

If only there was a way to punish parents for raising a shitty kid. The police in Monona, Wisconsin are ahead of the curve! Monona police can now cite parents for a child’s bullying. A first violation of the parent-liability clause carries a $114 fine. Subsequent violations within the same year carry fines of $177 each. Adam Carolla proposed fining parents for shitty kids a long time ago in response to the many school shootings. As I mentioned above, bad parenting and a loose family structure (or the lack thereof) results in kids growing up to be violent assholes. Carolla posited that much like a baby-eating pit bull is the result of owner negligence, violent kids are the result of negligent parenting. What happens when a pit bull eats a baby? We punish the owner. Why not treat parents the same? We should not have to give parents incentive to be good at their job, but apparently, our society and culture has reached that point. With that said, I say we expand this law federally and for it to be more far-reaching until we get our shit together. It’s like a law against dog-fucking: we shouldn’t have to make that a law, but as long as there are enough people who can’t abide by the unwritten social norms we agreed on, time to put that in stone.

I think I found the one single article that could possibly make the Westboro Baptist Church just burst into flames: A gay couple were named a high school’s “Cutest Couple.” Like many high school yearbooks, students vote on their peers for various categories like “Most Likely to Succeed,” “Class Clown,” and “Most Likely to be as Mediocre as Humanly Possible” (I won that last one). One high school named the two gay boys pictured below as the Cutest Couple. The fact that this is newsworthy is the real problem. Could you imagine a world where an interracial couple being named “Cutest Couple” is acceptable? Did you hear how asinine that sounded? Well, imagine how people 50 years from now (maybe less) will see us and our behavior towards homosexuals. Yeah, we’re no better than Strom Thurmond and the racists of the ‘50s, and by “we” I’m referring to anyone opposed to gay marriage/rights/anything.

Cutest Couple

On last week’s roundup, I mentioned how a global committee of world leaders and smart people want to legalize drugs. This week, the ACLU released their marijuana report, and it supports everything the global committee suggested. We should probably take this report with a grain of salt considering the ACLU is a bunch of über-liberal hippies. If their report suggested the opposite, they would roll it up and smoke it rather than release the findings. One interesting finding: “Enforcing marijuana laws costs us about $3.6 billion a year, yet the War on Marijuana has failed to diminish the use or availability of marijuana.” Doesn’t matter, because a bulk of that $3.6 billion dollars goes towards paying salaries of those enforcing those laws, i.e. no war on drugs = lots of lost jobs. Also, “marijuana use is roughly equal among Blacks and whites, yet Blacks are 3.73 times as likely to be arrested for marijuana possession.” First, why is “Blacks” capitalized yet “whites” is not? Some racist shit right there. Second, don’t be black—er, I mean Black—because that stats always reveal that that sucks. Third, that stat can be misleading considering Blacks are arrested for other crimes more often, making the likelihood of finding marijuana at the scene more probable. Not saying that is okay either, but don’t pin it on marijuana. At the end of the day, drug laws are fucking stupid and do nothing more than pump money into the industries designed to “protect” us from the evil narcotics. It is stuff like this that makes us (ironically) want to get high.

Journalism is dead, and it’s not because of the Internet. Journalism killed journalism. Example: Pippa Middleton Named Vanity Fair Contributing Editor. In case you forgot, Pippa is Kate Middleton’s (aka Duchess of Cambridge) sister. She has made a nice career off of…well…being Kate’s sister. With no experience as a writer, nothing interesting/insightful to say and being an expert on riding coattails, it is no surprise she gets to be a contributing editor to a reputable (using that term loosely) publication. Let’s not forgot how the girl sucked off Tiger Woods became New York Time’s love/sex advice columnist. If you think spending four years and tens of thousands of dollars on a journalism degree, working exploitative internships and grinding your way up the corporate ladder is the way to a career as a writer, you’re wrong. Finding a celebrity, suck him off, profit. That’s journalism school of the 21st century.

On Episode 143: The Feminine Critique (Part II) of Soundtrack of the Week, we discussed gender roles and gender equality. This was a response to women being the breadwinner in 40% of households and a female comedian to blogged about being sexually harassed in the form of hecklers. I decided that was a good time to express my dismay towards feminists and all other vocal minorities* whose persistent whining affects the way the majority has to live. It took no less than one week for the feminazis to strike again. Feminazis are outraged over a Swiffer ad. The ad (see below) features the famous feminist icon Rosie the Riveter. Of course, man-hating women all over** saw this ad as an attack, rather than some innocent, clever ad some recent marketing grad thought of. They claim the image suggests that women belong in the house cleaning rather than working. The reality: women are Swiffer’s target demographic, women are empowered by Rosie the Riveter, combine the two, profit. Simple as that. There is nothing offensive about the ad. In fact, nothing is offensive unless you WANT to be offended. As we get closer and closer to equality, rights groups are forced to be in the business of being offended. If they don’t get offended, the purpose of their movement is null and void. Therefore, they seek out things that can be spun into controversy. It’s a fucking clever advertisement. MAN up!

*minorities in opinion, not in gender/race/etc.

** By “all over,” I mean “one tiny group of whiny bitches.”

Rosie the Riveter Swiffer

Since I’m on the path of pissing off the women readers, let’s talk about titties! Teen says she was turned away from prom for having large breasts. Not much more to add other than her cleavage was showing, which the dance rules specifically state is a no-no. To some, this is an example of discrimination towards a group of women. It’s not the teen’s fault she has large breast. WE’RE BRINGING DOWN WOMEN WITH LARGE BREASTS! Ironically, the same feminazis complaining about this are the same ones who complain that women with huge tits get all the advantages. In other words, society is always bringing down the small-chested women. Well, which one is it? Another classic example of activists cherry-picking their battles that often contradict each other. Again, this is very simple when you break it down. There were rules against exposing cleavage. She showed cleavage. She was turned away. Case closed. Quit turning this—and similar situations—into your own stupid political platform. Here’s the teen and the dress in question below. You be the judge:

Teen Prom

I hate Sprint! Fuck ‘em! Even with their headquarters in the same city, their brand new arena down the street and a 4G network, it still takes an hour for one of my tweets to go through on a brand new Samsung Galaxy S III phone! At least they are not turning over ALL of their records to the government…like Verizon! Recent documents reveal that “the communication records of millions of US citizens are being collected indiscriminately and in bulk – regardless of whether they are suspected of any wrongdoing.” This information is being collected by the National Security Agency and has been going on for several years. Does this go against the Fourth Amendment? Some say yes. Is Verizon the only cell phone provider participating? Extremely unlikely. Is Obama and the government in general a lying sack of shit? Certainly. I have always been Obama-neutral: didn’t hate him, didn’t like him. Just “meh.” However, he is proving over and over again to be Bush Jr. Jr., and in some cases worse. Don’t get me wrong, ALL of Congress is to blame for this considering it has the backing of BOTH parties. It takes two to tango, or in this case, it takes two to fuck over an entire nation. At least the government isn’t tapping into some of the biggest websites…except, they are. Well, at least Obama isn’t continuing and/or extending Bush-era terrorism policies…except, he is. Remember that revolution I was talking about?

For more news and commentary on the cutting edge of a revolution, listen to Soundtrack of the Week on, iTunes, and on your smartphone via Stitcher Radio (Twitter page at @SOTWpodcast). Also follow Ty on Twitter at @TySOTW. If you don’t, you’re nothing more than a drone being controlled by the government, man. **takes a bong rip & plays Bob Marley**

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