SOTW Roundup: 7/7/2013 – 7/13/2013

ZimmermanIt has been over 20 years since the L.A. Riots, and the LAPD is just as dangerous to minorities today as they were back then. Pretty soon, we may see another race war, but it is not because of the LAPD. Rather, it will be because of an isolated incident that occurred on the other side of the country in Florida. Of course, I’m talking about the Zimmerman trial. As of this writing, no verdict has been announced. People are speculating that riots will break out if Zimmerman is found innocent, which is a major possibility when you consider the uncertainty of the evidence presented from both sides. I don’t know—any more than you do—whether or not Zimmerman is guilty. Frankly, I don’t care and neither should you. The Rodney King beating was the tipping point of a much larger issue surrounding the LAPD and racism. Minorities in L.A. and other cities had enough of the unfair treatment they were receiving from those who are supposed to serve and protect. This case in Florida is indicative of nothing more than one man’s inability to make wise decisions. He was a rogue community watchman, not an entire police department. His actions have no relevancy outside of himself. Yet, we have made it into a national debate that has major implications if it ends in a certain way. I am not suggesting that racism is 100% in the past. What I am saying is that using an isolated incident that shows no patterns within other isolated incidents to determine whether or not we have a problem in this country is both ignorant and dangerous. AND IT HAPPENED IN FUCKING FLORIDA! We’re taking cues from FLORIDA now? Rather than riot against each other, we should be rioting against the government. Let’s not turn against each other. Instead, you should just read THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP!


“Hey, brah!” “Do you even lift?” “Stop looking at me like a faggot!” Pop quiz: are those quotes from a frat guy or some random dude in college? If you said frat guy, you’re wrong! A Survey Reveals That Hypermasculinity-Sexual Aggression Is More Prevalent in Non-Fraternity College Males. Whereas hypermasculinity is prevalent in frat houses, the sexual aggression is not. Conversely, those unaffiliated with a frat exhibited sexual aggression, which is basically code for “rapist.” I suppose this isn’t too surprising when a bunch of men are living in the same house and probably blowing each other. That tends to take away some of a man’s masculinity. Also, the survey was taken at three Southern universities. In other words, Southern men not in a frat are more likely to engage in date rape. Shocker.

If you haven’t bought Jay-Z’s new album, congratulations! Your personal information is slightly more private than those who did. More importantly, you are not a slave to bullshit marketing. With 3-minute Samsung commercials, phone apps and god knows what else, Jay-Z is on an unprecedented marketing campaign. I think he jumped the shark this week: Jay-Z Lip-Synched the Same Song for 6 Hours at an Art Gallery. Why? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that performance art is the worst form of art since it requires no talent…kind of like rap, so this makes complete since. Jay-Z is a complete hack! He’s a phenomenal businessman, but an awful “artist.” The fact that people are eating this shit up proves that point.


Americans have a very short attention span. Proof: Eliot Spitzer is Running for Office Again. In case you forgot, Spitzer was the New York governor who resigned after being caught banging a prostitute. He is now running for city comptroller and may win. Anthony Weiner—infamous for his dick pic—is another politician that resigned who is seeking office. In the past, I railed against this. But why? Spitzer and Weiner didn’t do anything that had a negative impact on their job. Sending a dick pic or banging a prostitute has no affect on one’s job performance. Yes, prostitution is illegal, but really, it shouldn’t be. However, Mark Sanford went MIA while in office and used taxpayer dollars do bang a chick in Argentina. That DOES have consequences on his job performance. Whenever someone gets busted for doing something, ask yourself one question: does it have an affect his ability to do his job? No? Then why fire him? This is why Spitzer and Weiner are off the hook and Sanford should be banned from politics. It is not a matter of Democrats versus Republicans. It is a matter of common sense…something we completely lack.

While politicians with a sex addiction are seeking re-election, there is one asshole who is not. Texas Governor Rick Perry Will Not be Seeking Re-Election in 2014. WOOHOOO! Seriously, fuck that guy. In office over 12 years, Perry is the longest-serving governor in Texas history. People outside of Texas (and the South in general), may know him better as the uber-conservative right-wing nutjob who most recently overturned a successful filibuster for an anti-abortion bill. He is basically Mitt Romney, but an even bigger douche. If you had to create a caricature of a super white, douchebag politician, Rick Perry would be on the cutting board after your editor informs you that you went overboard. If he thinks he can run for president, he’s dead wrong. Romney lost the election because he was way too white. Perry’s overt “fuck minorities” attitude doesn’t work in America anymore. Goodbye, Governor Perry. You won’t be missed.

It’s summertime, and you know what that means: house parties! The last thing you want is for the police to show up. Hopefully, you don’t live in Brooklyn (for several reasons, actually). Brooklyn Residents May Have to Tell the Police That They Are Throwing a Party. Due to a recent incident where a party got shot up, Brooklyn police may require residents to inform them of when they throw a party with 40 or more guests. Assuming nothing illegal is going on at your party, you are really just getting free security! However, any party where nothing illegal is going on is a lame party. On the surface, this is a decent idea to serve and protect the residents. On the other hand, if you actually think the NYPD won’t abuse this power, you are an insane person. At face value, the police are asking that we require to tell them whenever we want people over. Not good.


Benjamin Franklin infamously said, “…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” I bet he never thought those two certainties could come in that order. The U.S. Government is About to Rape James Gandolfini’s Corpse. With an estate valued at $70 million, the government may take up to $30 million of that in taxes. According to the article, Gandolfini’s “’big mistake’” was leaving 80% of his estate to his sisters and his 9-month-old daughter,” making it subject to the “death tax.” In other words, we are better off leaving our money in an offshore account than to our own family. What’s the point in acquiring wealth if the government is just going to take it from you? Gandolfini made that money on his own. He wasn’t an oil baron heir. That money was made from his own grit. We all hope to become wealthy so that our family can be well off when we pass away. The government will have none of that. We work our asses off and all the government does is sit on their ass and collect money. This is exactly why our forefather’s escaped from Europe.

Back in March, a Princeton University mom—Susan Patton—wrote an op-ed in The Daily Princetonian urging female students to find a husband on campus before they graduate. It was met with controversy, mostly because it was fucking dumb. Apparently, it was dumb enough to sell. The Princeton Mom Has Received a Book Deal. Here we go again. For reasons that no god can ever explain, Gallery Books feels that this hack is qualified to write an entire book that gives out advice. Let’s check her qualifications, shall we? Well, she did graduate from Princeton, so that’s impressive. She must have received a degree in English, Journalism, Psychology, or some other subject making her qualified to write an advice book. NOPE! She has an Art & Archaeology degree. The only degree more worthless than that is…well…there isn’t one. She currently owns a business as a human resources consultant and executive coach, i.e. she doesn’t do anything. Maybe her rich experience in dating and marriage gives her cred. NOPE! She recently got divorced. In her op-ed, she tells women that they will never be around such worthy men and that she wishes she would have done the same. In other words, she is blaming her own failure in the romance department in not marrying a dude in college. Fucking brilliant. Susan Patton is a no-talent hack that managed to bank on an Ivy League degree regardless of skills or talent. More importantly, she obviously doesn’t know how to choose men considering her recent divorce. Yet, she has a book deal to give out advice based on an op-ed telling Princeton women how to find a husband. We are all dumb.

Fuck it. Let’s check in on Egypt. Gunmen Kill 42 Protestors in the Egyptian Capital. Business as usual.

nothing_to_do_here_by_rober_raik-d4cxltjIf you ever go to prison for a petty crime, it may be best to lie and tell your fellow inmates you murdered a cop. Especially if you are this guy: Man Arrested For Having Sex With a Pool Raft…Again. That headline is not misleading. A man from Ohio—NOT Florida—was arrested after a child saw him having sex with a pool raft. This was not the first time the man was arrested for the same offense. How does one fuck a pool raft without deflating it? Unfortunately, the article does not say. Poor journalism right there. I suppose you just have sex with the folds. You really can’t bang the cup holders…too large. Then again, I’ve been with women with gapi—well, anyway. This man has managed to find a way to bang an inflatable raft, and for that, I give him a tip of my hat. There is nothing illegal about a fucking a raft…so I’ve been told! It was the child seeing it that makes it illegal. Children ruin everything.

Scooby Doo


For more news and commentary to read while poolside (raft fucking or not), listen to Soundtrack of the Week on, iTunes, and on your smartphone via Stitcher Radio (Twitter page at @SOTWpodcast). Also follow Ty on Twitter at @TySOTW. If you don’t, I’m telling on you!*

* I see you eying that raft!


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