This week was a historical week for the United States on several levels. It all began Tuesday night with Senator Wendy Davis’ filibuster to stop an anti-abortion bill in the Texas state legislature. After 10 hours and 45 minutes of non-stop talking and standing, the Republican-led legislature managed to find a way to stop Davis with 15 minutes left to pass the bill. However, an “angry mob” of hundreds of supporters of Davis who were present at the senate chamber made a whole lot of noise which prevented the state legislature from signing the bill in time. The crowd of supporters was supplemented with hundreds of thousands of more supporters via social media including the president himself. Despite the politicians’ attempt to manipulate the records to show the bill was signed before midnight, the Internet—the Great Democratizer—proved otherwise, and the bill was officially struck down. Our government attempted to pass a bill that the people were passionately against, and the actions of protests—aka democracy—put the politicians in their place. What a huge victory for women and the United States in general! The following day, the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), a huge win for same-sex marriage. Social conservatism is getting closer to becoming an archaic ideology. Recent abuse of power such as the NSA tapping our cell phones and PRISM has led people like myself to believe that this country is quickly turning into an Orwellian hell. Although we should still be up in arms about that, this week’s victories should reenergize any optimism we may have had left. Socially, we are way behind the curve when compared to other civilized Western nations. It is time we show the world why this country was founded* in the first place, and exercise 100% tolerance, freedom, and rights for everybody. Within one week, we have exhibited our move towards that direction. Even if you think you “lost,” everybody wins. We have a lot more work to do, but the ball just got rolling. Knowing me, I’m about to rain on your gay marriage parade with THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP!
I won’t rain on your gay parade just yet, but I will rain on your abortion parade to start things off. Texas Governor Rick Perry will hold a special session next Monday to pass the filibustered bill. Assuming it is because he hates democracy and the American people, Gov. Perry will hold a special session next Monday to pass the anti-abortion bill. What? Did you actually think democracy and the American rallying for their rights was going to work? LOL, dumbass. This is straight from Perry’s cocksucking (probably) mouth:
Even the woman who filibustered in the Senate the other day was born into difficult circumstances. It’s just unfortunate that she hasn’t learned from her own example that every life must be given a chance to realize its full potential and that every life matters.
Yeah, he said that. He also used her as a good example as to how a teenage mother can go on to become a Harvard graduate and politician. Perry has an excellent point considering just about every teenage mother I know has gone on to do just that. In fact, it would behoove all young girls to get knocked up since doing so obviously leads towards a Harvard degree and success. There is absolute no correlation between abortions and crime rates. That is, unless, you ignore the 1972 Rockefeller Commission on Population and the American Future and all subsequent studies that reveal that children he were born due to denied abortions are more likely to commit crimes, therefore, legalizing abortions decreases the crime rate. That aside, Gov. Rick Perry is 100% correct. What a douche.
Internships are bullshit. I’m sure I have preached this before, and I’m about to do it again. Former unpaid interns at Gawker Media have filed a lawsuit for lost wages. Essentially, Gawker is getting sued for not paying their interns for work done. Legally, in order for a company to claim unpaid interns, “the experience must benefit the intern and the employer derives no immediate advantage from the work provided.” Under those guidelines, every goddamn internship is illegal! Every single internship is bases on doing work (with immediate advantages) for free. It’s legal slavery! Not only that, but internships favor wealthier students. Internships are vital in order to obtain a good job out of college. However, what if you cannot afford to work for free, you know, like every other adult?! I wish I could have done an unpaid internship at a radio station in New York City, but I couldn’t because how the fuck am I supposed to pay for anything? Meanwhile, the kid whose parents are wealthy and can pay for his cost of living will snatch up that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It’s slavery that favors the wealthy for careers high in demand, and it needs to stop. I like Gawker, but I hope these students win their case. They won’t because they’re fighting against rich businessman. Rich businessman get what they want, which leads us to the next article…
If you live in New York City, you are probably well aware of Citi Bikes. If not, Citi Bikes are bicycles you pay to use by the half-hour around the city (picture below). They can be found all around city, unless you’re in a rich part of the city. Citi Bikes have been removed from upscale neighborhoods. Why? Rich people didn’t like seeing the poors infiltrate their space by accessing poor people modes of transportation, i.e. bicycles. We still live in Medieval times where rich people and nobleman can shit on the poors by throwing money at the lawmakers. First of all, it’s a goddamn bicycle station. We’re not talking about hookers and drug dealers outside of your $3 million condo. Second, you live in New York City. If you wanted peace & quiet and privacy, you moved to the worst place in the United States. We still live in a time where rich people can get virtually whatever they want, even at the expense of other people. I wish social evolution progressed as fast as technology.
Have I ever told you how much I hate my job. “Yes! Like a thousand times, Tyson!” you say. Well, guess what? Looks like I’m not alone. In fact, I’m in the majority. Most Americans Are Unhappy At Work. A recent report reveals that only 30% of Americans are engaged and feel inspired at work. The other 70% of us give zero fucks (paraphrased). If you think perks like beer and ping-pong tables (see: Google) will boost morale, you’re wrong. Turns out, being left to your own devices and your manager not being a dick are all we really need. Employees who work remotely from home log in approximately 46 hours a week, whereas employees onsite put in 42 hours. Essentially, we know what we’re doing so leave us the fuck alone! This once again proves my point that micromanagement is the work of Satan and needs to abolished. Once again, my theories of yore have been proven correct through research. Keep reading these Roundups and be ahead of the curve!
Here’s something else I have talked a lot about in the past: obesity. I am all for shaming fat people just like we have decided to shame smokers. Like smoking, being fat is a choice that cost taxpayers millions of dollars every year. Not according to the American Medical Association: the AMA has officially classified obesity as a disease. Bloody hell. Despite a committee of experts recommending that the AMA does NOT make this move, they did anyway, because fuck experts! This now makes a third of Americans diseased. If we’re making life choices a disease, then smoking, doing drugs, and unprotected sex with hookers are all now diseases. Daredevils with high insurance for risking life and limb? DISEASE! The above article came from the BBC, which has a tone of “What in the actual fuck, America?” The more I try to understand American politics and policies, the LESS I understand American politics and policies. So the next time you see a fat person, be nice…they are seriously ill! I’m sure cancer and AIDS patients love the fact that fat people share the same classification.
If you thought the Westboro Baptist Church had a stroke about the downfall of DOMA, wait until they get a hold of this article: men wearing women clothing is all the rage in the fashion world. Apparently, the major theme in men’s clothing at a recent fashion show in London (the fashion Mecca) was androgyny. Below are some images from that show. Yes, people are actually predicting men will start wearing this shit all of the time:
I believe we already have a word for this: crossdressers. Fashion is just like art: some of it is legit, but the vast majority is complete bullshit. Guess which category this falls under. What makes this crazy is that fashion experts truly believe that this will take off. If this assumption is based on a wider acceptance of gays and transgendered people, then okay. However, I’m willing to be they believe straight men will start wearing dresses and skirts. Who knows? They’re the fashion experts. I am not. Let’s remember how spot on the fashion community has been since..well…ever:
Congratulations to all the recent college graduates! You have successfully completed four years of a life’s worth of debt! If you are worried about how you will ever be able to pay off that debt without a job that pays a decent wage, don’t fret. The majority of those with student loans are concerned about being unable to pay off their debt. With outstanding loans totaling at $1 trillion in the United States alone, most of that will probably never get paid off because businesses would rather not pay graduates a decent wage. Student loans typically go into default within a year. This makes sense considering it takes well over a year to find a job that pays your rent and bills, let alone the added payment of the loan that more or less promised you a well-paying job. Until business owners quit screwing over recent grads, I say fuck it. Don’t pay any of your student loans until you get a decent job. If everyone did this, 90% of student loans will go into default, meaning 90% of students will be bankrupt with shitty credit. This will put the economy to a grinding halt in about 5-10 years. Therefore, it would be in the best interest of everyone to quit dicking around and give these grads what they paid for. I’m fucking tired of hearing news about recent grads having no reason to live anymore because of the lies they were fed by the older generations. Oh well, at least the interest rates are using lube when raping us, rather than a dry-anal rape. LOL, just kidding! Student Loan Rates Likely to Double With No Congressional Agreement in Sight. Thanks, government!
While the government is busy giving zero fucks about your student loan debt and your lack employment, rest assured that they are doing just fine themselves. A political donor purchased a Rolex watch for Virginia Gov. Robert F. McDonnell, and the governor did not disclose it in his annual financial filings. While you’re worried about paying off thousands of dollars in student debt, Gov. McDonnell just received a $6,500 watch for no fucking reason whatsoever! Federal law requires McDonnell to disclose all gifts valued over $50. This law does not include gifts to family members or gifts from friends and family. McDonnell claimed that the donor, Johnnie R. Williams Sr., is a personal friend. These childhood friends have known each other for exactly FIVE years, which is shortly before McDonnell’s campaign. That’s odd. Also, Williams paid for McDonnell’s daughter’s $15,000 catering tab for her wedding. Again, HE did not receive the gift, his daughter did. NEW FUCKING RULE: If someone donates a goddamn dime to your campaign, they are no longer allowed to give you ANYTHING ELSE! Oh shit, did I forget about the $15,000 shopping spree McDonnell’s wife went on that Williams paid for? I’m sure Williams had nothing to gain here. Just a REALLY good friend. Except for getting his health products approved by the FDA and having a bill support the use of his products to lower healthcare costs. OTHER THAN THAT, just being a super cool friend. McDonnell is a cunt.
Let’s end this Roundup on a positive note. Music today sucks. Bieber, Nickelback, Mumford & Sons, you name it, it’s probably shit. Rock ‘n’ roll has been dead since the death of grunge music and the birth of Nu Metal. Hip-hop, rap, country, and bubblegum pop have reigned supreme in the charts. NOT THIS WEEK! Black Sabbath’s new album “13” hit #1 on the Billboard!!!!!! This is both sad and wonderful for modern day rock music. It’s great because rock music is back on the charts. It’s terrible because it took a bunch of senior citizens to get it there. Contemporary rock bands still fail to capture the hearts and minds of rock music fans. Black Sabbath still rocks harder and writes better music than any new rock band out there. Hopefully, this will inspire musicians to give up the bullshit they have been trying to do the past two decades and get back to real, raw rock ‘n’ roll. It’s sad that it took the revival of Black Sabbath to get this message across, but then again, who else would you expect to do it? CONGRATS AND ROCK THE FUCK ON, BLACK SABBATH!
For more news and commentary that can rock just as hard as Black Sabbath, listen to Soundtrack of the Week on www.soundtrackoftheweek.com, iTunes, and on your smartphone via Stitcher Radio (Twitter page at @SOTWpodcast). Also follow Ty on Twitter at @TySOTW. If you don’t, you’re probably a Nickelback fan.