Facebook is a breeding ground for stupidity, ignorance and subtle (sometimes overt) racism and prejudice. Since shaming is a good way to get people to change, let’s call them out on their BS. Facebook Fallacies is a weekly column sponsored by Soundtrack of the Week that debunks all of the stupid shit floating around Satan’s asshole, aka Facebook.

Blood Moons! End of times! FREAK OUT!

 

The story: We’re in the middle of four consecutive lunar eclipses, aka Blood Moons. Do you know what this means? APOCALYPSE! The bible warned us, man!

The reality: The only thing the above article got correct is the fact that we’re in a middle of a lunar tetrad, aka Blood Moon. “A lunar tetrad is a consecutive sequence of four lunar eclipses, spaced six months apart,” according to Wikipedia. From there, it gets bat shit crazy.

In short, the Book of Joel states “the sun will turn into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and terrible day of the Lord comes.” A blood moon is also mentioned in Revelations, except in that section there’s supposed to be an earthquake, but whatever.

Within the first 30 seconds of the video embedded in the link, the narrator mentions that only three other tetrads have occurred over the past 500 years. Furthermore, each of those tetrads happened during Passover. Even more improbable, during these Passover tetrads, a major event occurred, namely stuff that happened in Israel. Holy shit!

To begin, there have been 62 tetrads since the first century. There will be a total of eight in the 21st century alone. So, he’s lying about three in 500 years. Of those tetrads, eight have occurred during Passover, but that’s not very special. Why not? The Jewish calendar is based on a lunar calendar, meaning lunar events are likely to occur at the same time of Jewish events that coincide with that date.

As for the events that occur during tetrads…it’s fucking Israel. There’s always something happening in Israel, so the likelihood of some political or religious unrest occurring during a tetrad ranges from “Very Probable” to “100% Guaranteed.” This is especially true when you have a 1.5-year window.

Let’s also address the phenomenon of cherry-picking information and manipulating numbers. If the center of attention is Israel, then we should probably discuss how three of the four lunar eclipses are not even visible from Israel. This means that whoever wrote the bible was probably not referring to tetrads, because as far as they knew, those didn’t exist.

Also, check out the clusterfuck graphic below. This is the narrator’s explanation of how the timing is perfect for his prediction. If you have to connect a thousand unrelated dots to get from Point A to Point B, you’re probably full of shit. Occam’s razor and whatnot. Through this logic, I can twist numbers and random facts around into proving that tonight’s lottery numbers prove that you’re the antichrist using your birthday and street address.

 

Holding random body parts cures headaches, because energy or some shit!

The story: Chemicals are bad for you! Pills are evil! Have a headache? Hold the base of your thumb or hold below the ankles and BOOM! Headache gone because some old Asian dude said so.

The reality: This is another case of “Try it and see what happens.” In this case, absolutely nothing. There is no science to back this up. In fact, there’s no evidence that this practice “predates Buddha and Moses.” It was “rediscovered” by Master Jiro Murai in the early 1900s. Master Murai allegedly survived a terminal illness using mind energy or whatever you want to call it.

A couple of red flags here: 1) Ancient Asian Secret: dumbasses who are susceptible to bullshit love anything from the past. The further back and further East, the more they’ll believe it. 2) Asian Masters: If Master Chet Johnson rediscovered this, no dice. Master Super Asian Name discovers something? It’s legit!

According to a source lacking credibility, Master Murai was born in Japan in 1886 from a family of doctors. As the second son, he was allowed to pursue whatever career he wanted. I’m guessing medical doctor was out of the question. Just because his family was full of doctors, doesn’t mean Master Murai knew shit about the medical field. Based on people I know, children of doctors either become doctors themselves or fuck-ups. You do the math.

Murai allegedly suffered from a terminal illness. However, what exactly that was is never mentioned, which is kind of important. Not to mention, illnesses considered terminal in 1912 may not have been at all.

None of this matters, because holding your thumb to cure headaches is scientifically retarded unfounded. Also, chemicals are bad? EVERYTHING IS A CHEMICAL, including water! Cripes!

Cannibal cop only gets 8 years in prison??? Police protection!

 

The story: A police officer who ATE A DUDE was convicted and only received eight years in prison! Cops are literally getting away with murder…and cannibalism!

The reality: German police officer Detlef Guenzel did in fact eat a man. And yes, he will only serve eight years in prison. But comparing this case to “police privilege” in the United States is completely misguided idiotic.

Let’s start with the facts of the case. Guenzel met another man on a website for cannibal fetishists, which 1) is fucking weird and 2) shouldn’t exist, but here we are. UPON REQUEST from the man, Guenzel chopped him up into small pieces while listening to pop music…he’s 57. Wait. It gets more bizarre. Prosecutors didn’t pursue the max penalty because the victim actually wanted to die.

Bonus weird points: The slaughter and cannibalism website is described as the “#1 site for exotic meat” and has more than 3,000 members. Moving on.

Perhaps the strangest aspect of this story is that murder convictions have a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison in Germany, according to Daily Mail. So if you’re freaking out about the eight-year sentence, realize that things are different across the pond. Europeans tend to believe in rehabilitation rather than punishment and incarceration. Since the victim wanted to die in the first place, prosecutors didn’t ask for the max of 15 years. This story is less controversial with – you know – facts.

What I find to be the most bizarre aspect of the original story is how it is used to fit the “Cops are evil” narrative. Generally, this rhetoric references law enforcement in the United States. In fact, officers in other countries are used as reference points to prove how much better the police are overseas. For example, look at this RT story or this Washington Post write-up or this CNN article. Cherry-picking evidence is easy.

Coach K hates Obama’s military strategy! This means…something!

 

The story: Sometime after winning the national title, Mike Krzyzewski talked some mad shit on Obama’s military strategy against ISIS (ISIL? IS? ISISIILLLS???) during an Army awards ceremony. Boom! Coach K knows all about strategy. What up now, Obama?!?

The reality: It is absolutely true that Coach K criticized Obama’s military strategy at an Army awards ceremony…last November. Read the main headline below the picture above and you’ll see:

“Duke’s Legendary Coach Wins National Championship… Then Says THIS About Obama.”

The phrasing implies this speech happened sometime this week. Such word choice is so blatantly incorrect that it has to be intentional. God forbid someone who spreads information on a “news” blog is that fucking stupid. Then again…

Here’s the quote from Coach K last year that got conservatives hard as a rock:

I know it’s upsetting to many of you when you hear “no boots on the ground.” It upsets me too, because that’s like saying I’m not going to play two of my best players. Because that’s what you are trained to do. And for decades and decades, the fact that we are a free country and we don’t play home games here is a result of having boots on the ground. That’s the problem.

What the above article opted to leave out was the follow-up from Coach K after news outlets jumped all over him:

I’m passionate about the United States military and always will be an amazing supporter of the military. On that night nothing was ever said about President Obama, and nothing was ever said about ISIS. In fact, I hate even saying that word. I do not hate saying the other word because I love President Obama. It’s amazing that it happened three weeks ago and on Election Day something is brought up and said in a way that I didn’t say. So be it.

To acknowledge Coach K’s rebuttal would totally screw up your narrative. So be it.

At any rate, it comes to no surprise to me that Crazy Facebook Republican Militia Guys are huge fans of Coach K, the leader of the most hated team in college basketball (tied with any college that Calipari has fled to after an investigation). Coach K is the devil. He’s almost 70, has a full head of black hair, and coaches the Blue DEVILS! You can have him, conservatives.

Chipotle is a billion dollar business because they don’t use GMOs!

 

The story: Chipotle’s profits went up 30 percent in the fourth quarter last year, and it’s all because they quit using GMOs. GMO-free food is the only way fast food companies will survive!

The reality: Without even looking into this, the above image falls victim to a very common fallacy: correlation proves causation. Just because Chipotle saw a 30 percent increase in revenue after going GMO free does not mean GMO-free menus caused the increase.

Sometimes your correlation/causation can happen to be correct, so let’s break down the numbers. Here are the quarterly results starting from the 2012 fourth quarter:

• 2012 4Q: 17.2% increase
• 2013 1Q: 13.4% increase
• 2013 2Q: 18.2% increase
• 2013 3Q: 18.0% increase
• 2013 4Q: 20.7% increase
• 2014 1Q: 24.4% increase
• 2014 2Q: 28.6% increase
• 2014 3Q: 31.1% increase
• 2014 4Q: 26.7% increase

As you can see, Chipotle’s revenue stream has been steadily increasing since at least the second quarter of 2013. Chipotle didn’t go GMO free until late-April 2014, which did in fact see an increase. Although the third quarter experienced a 31.1% increase, the fourth quarter did NOT reach 30% as cited above. When dealing with small gains and losses in fractions, rounding up like that is somewhat manipulative.

In fact, for the first time in four quarters, the quarter being cited had slower growth than previous quarterly reports. With that said, one can posit that this GMO free bullshit is in fact a trend. If you’re going to attribute the 31.1% increase to the GMO announcement then you better explain the slower growth in the following quarter.

Conclusion: There is no evidence to support that going GMO free results in increased revenue. In fact, if you want to play the numbers, one can argue that going GMO free will be cool for one quarter and then back to business as usual in the next.

Speaking of lack of evidence, there is no evidence to support that GMOs are any more or less harmful than organic food. If this is the case, fast food chains will never stray away from GMOs if they are cheaper than non-GMOs. Chipotle’s numbers reveal that public opinion of GMOs (educated or not) has no long-term effects on revenue.

Yeah! Science, bitch!

Episode 233: Fanatics

On the last episode of Soundtrack of the Week: Sports fans. They range from the casual observer to the overly obsessed who poison historical trees. The Antlers, an unofficial group of University of Missouri students supporting their basketball team, has a history of fanaticism that ranges from the norm to the controversial. Joining SOTW this week is a current member of the The Antlers to set the record straight about their mission and fandom in general.

Also on Episode 233:

• Super Fun Time Intro
• Starbucks Update
• Ferguson Update
• Meredith Destroyed Her Car
• Ty’s Cat Shit Everywhere
• Lesbian Update
• Sounds of the Week
• Germanwings Crash and Depression