‘La La Land?’ More like ‘Bla Bla Bland’

Do you like musicals and jazz? Good news: “La La Land” is the perfect movie for you! For the remaining 99 percent of breathing people who are only old enough to live through one Hitler threatening the world rather than two, you can sit this one out.

“La La Land” combines the two hottest genres in the 21st century: musicals and jazz. Not to be outdone by the genres, the plot uses the definitely-never-been-done-before scenario of:

    • Asshole (Ryan Gosling) meets bitch (Emma Stone)
    • Asshole turns out not to be asshole
    • Bitch turns out not to be bitch
    • They find coming ground in both chasing the Hollywood dream

The clichés don’t stop there. Gosling’s character’s failure is due to his integrity as a jazz musician. But then he sells out and guess what…fame tears the two apart. Gosling feels terrible after selling out because god forbid he enjoys a modicum of success and god forbid Stone’s character accepts his busy schedule.

Oh, almost forgot. Stone’s character is too nervous to audition and perform in front of people. Yawn.

It’s a Ryan Gosling movie, so you can already guess the tone.

The plot and script are lazy at best. Characters and storyline are predictable and have been done ad nauseam. So why is everyone going ape shit over it? Because the cliché story is done in front of a musical backdrop.

There are two guarantees in Hollywood regarding getting a Best Picture nomination: 1) Films about race (see: “Hidden Figures,” “Selma,” “The Help”) and “artsy” films (“Brooklyn,” “The Grand Budapest Hotel”). A musical appeals to the Hollywood senses and since a mainstream musical film with an A-list cast hasn’t been done since “Les Misérables” (which was nominated in 2012) and god knows when an original musical with a known cast happened, it’s no surprise “La La Land” is sweeping up the awards circuit.

Predicted awards:

Best Picture
Sound Editing
Sound Mixing
Music (Original Score)
Music (Original Song)

Writing (Original Screenplay) – I don’t think “La La Land” will win this award, BUT it did when Best Screenplay at the Golden Globes. How?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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