Fire Goodell

roger goodell

Roger Goodell needs to be fired, because hey, why not?

Here’s a list of things we can argue about:

  • Is Ray Rice a bad guy or just made one mistake?
  • Doe Janay Rice deserve for us to stop talking about this?
  • Does the NFL have a bigger responsibility than the law?
  • Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Here’s one thing we can all agree on:

  • Roger Goodell sucks.

Player health, changing the rules, being A GINGER. Need I go on? Take a poll among any pool of people – neighbors, coworkers, prisoners, infants – and the vast majority would answer the question “do you like the commissioner of the NFL?” with a resounding “FUUUUUUUCK that guy”. There are more ISIS supporters in a Birmingham Waffle House than there are Roger Goodell supporters in the entire world. Everyone thinks this guy sucks. So why not bitch until he’s gone?

Maybe we, the public, are wrong. Maybe Goodell is super awesome at his job but we don’t see what happens behind the scenes. Guess what? Don’t give a shit! This isn’t Congress or a tribal council, it’s who gets to make millions of dollars being the face of a sports league. We all agree that this lying scum lawyer (I know those words all mean the same thing) shouldn’t get that opportunity. So let’s use that voice to oust this fool.

Our voices emphasized the virtues of Ferguson protestors, got Net Neutrality on front pages and even spread the word on where to see Justin Verlander’s bare ass cheeks. The National Organization for Women has called for Goodell’s head, yet we can’t force him out because he doesn’t deserve it? Who deserves millions of dollars for being The Man Of Football? Nobody, that’s who. Fuck him. He fucked it up. All you have to do to be The Man is not let everyone know you are The Man and that as The Man you will fuck everybody in the ass because you can because FUCK YOU you ARE NOT THE MAN. Roger Goodell has failed in this regard. Like he’s the only person who can sell television rights to the most popular thing in America. “Holy shit, this guy right here just convinced a hobo to do a dance for a lifetime supply of Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers.” Congrats, Goodell, you are not (technically) retarded. You don’t get millions of dollars for it.

What kind of person do you have to be to defend this asshole? Being on the right side of morality doesn’t really matter when FOOTBALL is concerned. “Goodell is just doing his job, that’s why capitalism is the best system in th… FUCK YOU PHILIP RIVERS I HOPE YOUR ASSHOLE GETS RIPPED APART!” Yeah, it’s sports, who cares? We all hate him, so fuck him.

Go away, Roger Goodell. You are taking away from time usually spent making fun of why the Manning brothers look like extras from Deliverance. And that, sir, will never be forgiven.

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