Facebook Fallacies: Week 9 of 2015

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Facebook is a breeding ground for stupidity, ignorance and subtle (sometimes overt) racism and prejudice. Since shaming is a good way to get people to change, let’s call them out on their BS. Facebook Fallacies is a weekly column that debunks all of the stupid shit floating around Satan’s asshole, aka Facebook.

Babies are punishment for sex? OBAMA SAID IT!

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The Story: People who are pro-abortion hate babies, including the president! LOOK! He straight-up says it. LOOK AT THE QUOTE! This is an Obamanation!

The Reality: Did Obama actually say what is quoted above? Absolutely. Is the above quote completely taken out of context to misrepresent what was actually said? Absolutely.

Controversy began when columnist Robert Novak tied the quote directly to abortion. Specifically, this:

Obama, while asserting that “nobody is pro-abortion,” has said that if his two daughters “make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.” Would Sebelius, an avowed Catholic, change her running mate’s view that a baby is a punishment?

Conservatives everywhere freaked the fuck out as Novak had poured more fuel on a fire that was already burning red hot. There it was in plain English, a quote made by Obama himself, the antichrist.

Except there is one major problem. The quote in question came from CNN’s Ballot Bowl ’08. Obama’s response was to a question about…STDs among young women, i.e. nothing about abortion. In fact, here’s the CNN transcript:

SNOW: …(Obama) just was asked a question about how his administration, if he’s elected, would deal with the issue of HIV and AIDS and also sexually transmitted diseases with young girls. Here’s Senator Barack Obama.

OBAMA: — …So when it comes specifically to HIV/AIDS, the most important prevention is education, which should include — which should include abstinence education and teaching the children — teaching children, you know, that sex is not something casual. But it should also include — it should also include other, you know, information about contraception because, look, I’ve got two daughters, 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals.

But if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby. I don’t want them punished with an STD at the age of 16. You know, so it doesn’t make sense to not give them information. You still want to teach them the morals and the values to make good decisions.

In other words, Obama was saying that education is key to preventing teenage pregnancy and STDs. Obama’s failure to educate his daughters about pregnancy and STD could lead to them getting pregnant at a young age, which is certainly punishment to a minor. More specifically, something they may not have wanted to happen but were punished by it due to lack of education. Babies themselves are not punishment. Rather, teenage pregnancy is punishment by way of lack of education. Did you notice what word I haven’t typed in a while? ABORTION! Why? Because it’s irrelevant in the true context!

We were all punished by the birth of Robert Novak.

Eating healthy is now a disorder! This is government propaganda!

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The Story: “Exports” have declared eating healthy to be a disorder. This is obviously an attempt to stop future legislation concerning our food and wellbeing. It’s a conspiracy!

The Reality: Yes and no. Yes, some health professionals are diagnosing people with orthorexia nervosa, “extreme or excessive preoccupation with avoiding foods perceived to be unhealthy.” No, psychiatry does not officially recognize it, so the claim that “psychiatry has green lighted a public relations push to spread awareness” is completely full of shit.

To start, orthorexia is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association nor is it listed in the DSM-5, the official book of diagnosable psychiatric illnesses used by health professionals. It was first brought up by Dr. Steven Bratman, M.D., in 1997 and nothing scientifically conclusive has come from it so far.

More importantly, the claim that it demonizes healthy living is indicative of a complete lack of reading comprehension skills. It takes only a few minutes of unbiased research to find out that orthorexia goes far beyond that. From the Mayo Clinic:

What tips the balance from being committed to healthy eating and having orthorexia is the extreme limitation and obsession in food selection. Orthorexics find themselves being unable to take part in everyday activities. They isolate themselves and often become intolerant of other people’s views about food and health.

And from a June 2009 issue of Today’s Dietitian:

This obsession for healthy foods could come from a number of sources such as family habits, societal trends, economic problems, recent illness, or even just hearing something negative about a food type or group, which then leads them to ultimately eliminate the food or foods from their diet.

What is not surprising is that people who “perceive” certain foods to be healthy are susceptible to orthorexia. You know, the gluten-free vegan who refuses to accept that anything that didn’t grow from the earth and doesn’t breathe is poison. Look at Moby, that fragile, frail little bitch!

Even less surprising is the article above written by Monsanto-hating, GMO-fearing hippies. These people refuse to believe the “experts,” i.e. people who know a shit ton more than they will ever comprehend. The good news is that Darwinism will take care of the people who refuse to accept science and experts. See you in atheist hell, you malnourished Deadheads!

More Illuminati Bullshit!

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The Story: After centuries of keeping the darkest secret in the history of ever, a real life member of the Illuminati has FINALLY come out to tell his story…to WorldTruth.tv.

The Reality: I can’t exactly prove this is bullshit, but this is bullshit. In fact, World Truth can neither prove the validity of this claim. Fortunately for us, shifting the burden of proof is a logical fallacy. Since World Truth is making the claim, guess where the burden of proof lies? Also, why is Dude revealing the biggest secret EVER to World Truth and not someone more reputable, including Soundtrack of the Week? Weird way to gang credibility, Dude.

Two things worth noting: (1) Obama is not a member…he is something much worse and (2) “Denver, Colo., is an evil place.” To his credit, I find the latter to be true (see: Peyton Manning).

Dude makes a lot of claims that are backed by exactly zero pieces of evidence. We just have to trust this anonymous, Harvard graduate. Speaking of Harvard, this article reads like a sophomore in high school wrote it. I’m talking about the weird kid with a trench coat and black makeup, not the school valedictorian. If Dude went to Harvard, I’d ask for some money back.

Other cool bullshit claims:

  • Alex Jones is a member; he’s not trying to stop the New World Order, he’s going to help lead it.
  • The moon landing was real, but the Russians did it first seven years earlier. Both parties agreed that America should “win” to support capitalism per Illuminati.
  • Illuminati scientists can shut off the sun (it really says that!).
  • Warren Buffett is head of Illuminati North America.
  • Obama is a key player even though Dude said earlier that he wasn’t.
  • Facebook will fall under Illuminati control soon, just as Myspace and Twitter have. (I’m not making this shit up…Dude is)

You’re probably thinking, “Who is dumb enough to believe this shit?” Tanya. That’s who:

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“Open-minded” is dumb people code for “dumb.” Don’t be a Tanya.

CLICKBAIT HEADLINE! YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT! WARRRRGARRRBBBLEE!!1!

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The Story: McDonald’s had to recall 1 million McNuggets. The reason why is so disgusting, shocking and repulsive that we can’t even mention it in this post!

The Reality: They found pieces of blue plastic in McNuggets in Japan. That’s it. This concludes this week’s “You’re Welcome For Not Having To Click That.”

Jesus and Christianity is the world’s biggest case of plagiarism!

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The Story: People claim that Christianity is nothing more than borrowed stories from earlier religions. Jade Small did her own research to support these claims. Debate over.

The Reality: The movie “Zeitgeist (Part I)” made the above claim very popular among atheists. Hell, I even bought into it several years ago before I stopped believing in everything that confirmed my narrative. Although there are some parallels between Christianity and earlier fairytales, the similarities are neither bountiful nor convincing.

Jade Small is a goddamn awful “journalist.” Let’s break down her stupidity deity-by-deity:

Buddha:

  • Buddha and Jesus astonished all at their temple at age 12 (I don’t know about Buddha, but Jesus didn’t do shit until he was 30-years-old) FALSE
  • Buddha fasted for 47 days, Jesus for 40 (Actually Buddha meditated for 49 days. Either way, nothing significant about this “kinda close” similarity). INSIGNIFICANT

Krishna:

  • Krishna’s adoptive father was a carpenter (Nanda Baba, Krishna’s foster father, was actually Chief of Goku) FALSE
  • Both were visited at birth by wise men and shepherds, guided by a star (Nowhere in religious texts does it mention a guiding star during Krishna’s birth) FALSE
  • Krishna was crucified and resurrected (Krishna was shot by a goddamn arrow and never resurrected) FALSE

Odysseus:

  • Odysseus is a carpenter like Jesus (Nope. He was King of Ithaca and we don’t know much about his early life.) FALSE
  • Odysseus is plagued with unfaithful and dim-witted companions who display tragic flaws… It’s amazing that either Odysseus or Jesus ever manage to accomplish anything, given the companions they have… (This is called Storytelling 101) INSIGNIFICANT

Romulus:

  • In his work Numa Pompilius, Plutarch records that there was a darkness covering the earth before his death…Just as there was during Jesus’ death according to Mark 15:33. (Plutarch was born 45 AD. The Gospel of Mark is estimated to have been written 66-70 AD. Unless Plutarch wrote that in his 20s and word somehow rapidly got out of Greece before technology was a thing, I don’t think this was lifted.) INSIGNIFICANT
  • Plutarch Romulus is to be known afterwards as ‘Quirinus’; A god which belonged to the Archiac Triad, a “triple deity” similar to the concept of the Trinity. (First of all, it was called the Capitoline Triad. Second, the Capitoline Triad consisted of three completely separate gods, not three representatives of one god) INSIGNIFICANT

Dionysus

  • Dionysus was born of a virgin. (No. Zeus clearly fucked Dionysus’ mom and everyone knew it) FALSE
  • Dionysus was born on Dec. 25, i.e. the winter solstice (Many scholars do not believe Jesus was born on Dec. 25, considering that is nowhere in the bible and not enough clues to clearly pinpoint…so who gives a shit about birth date?) INSIGNIFICANT

Horus:

  • Born to a virgin (No and the real story is much more rad! According to The Oxford History of Ancient Egypt, Horus was born to the goddess Isis after she retrieved all the dismembered body parts of her murdered husband Osiris, except his penis, which was thrown into the Nile and eaten by a catfish. And according to Plutarch – remember that guy? – Isis used her magic powers to resurrect Osiris and fashion a gold phallus to conceive her son. Cliff notes: Horus’ mom impregnated herself with a golden dildo made of her dead husband who she murdered. Metal. As. Fuck.) FALSE
  • No record of life between ages 12-30, like Jesus, AND he walked on water! (No and no. There is absolutely no evidence of this piece of information. No historical document or expert has ever claimed this. This claim lacks any citation and is perhaps completely made up) FALSE

There are other deities Small compared to Jesus and many more examples for the above, but I deliberately chose to skip them. Why? Because she was right about those and it hurt by narrative? Nope. In fact nearly 100 percent of everything in her shit article was either false or grasping at straws. I skipped them because I’m nearly at 2,000 words and don’t have time to do her work for her.

Don’t get me wrong: Christianity is full of shit and is nothing more than a fictional story loosely based on historical events like some terribly done Hollywood movie. However, if you want to prove your case, use logic. For example: Burden of Proof fallacy. We don’t have to prove that Jesus and God exist! That’s not how logic and reasoning work in this case. Christians made the claim. Make THEM prove it!

Episode 228: Risky Business

On the latest Soundtrack of the Week podcast, we discuss business ethics. What is it? Does extreme capitalism blur the lines of ethics or completely eliminate it? SOTW explores how businesses and corporations are and are not treating employees like people. Can a business show true altruism and still achieve maximum profits? In true SOTW fashion, we make a boring topic fun and entertaining. Also in Episode 228: Ty looks like a preppy douche, Meredith’s lesbian experience, tobacco is here to stay, the return of Pat Robertson and more!

 

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