Facebook Fallacies: Week 11 of 2015

FF Cover

Facebook is a breeding ground for stupidity, ignorance and subtle (sometimes overt) racism and prejudice. Since shaming is a good way to get people to change, let’s call them out on their BS. Facebook Fallacies is a weekly column sponsored by Soundtrack of the Week that debunks all of the stupid shit floating around Satan’s asshole, aka Facebook.

Bras cause cancer…you read that right

FF 1

The Story: Fuck the Susan G. Komen Foundation and the American Cancer Society (ACS)! Scientists say that wearing a bra leads to breast cancer. ACS and the Foundation are covering up a conspiracy (and boobs) for Big Bra!

The Reality: No. Just no. As a strong supporter of the “No bra” movement (for completely different reasons), I regret to inform you that this attempt to convince women to take off the bra is full of shit.

The man behind this bra boycott is medical anthropologist Syd Singer. Not surprisingly, Singer did some research that revealed indigenous groups not subjected to Western lifestyles would rarely get breast cancer. Singer concluded – and allegedly proved via further research – that bras were the culprit.

However, his studies were greatly refuted because…well…he’s a terrible scientist. More specifically, his research completely ignored the various factors that lead to cancer and are adopted by Westerners more than indigenous people. In other words, there were other independent variables unaccounted for within the control group.

For example: Foods that Westerners eat (that indigenous people do not) put them at higher risk for breast cancer. Also, ACS found that frequency of bra-wearing has a positive correlation with breast size, i.e. the bigger the boobs, the more likely the holder of the boobs is to wear a bra. This is important since bigger titties = more tissue = increased risk of breast cancer. Other factors that lead to cancer include weight gain (ever see a fatty in National Geographic?), alcohol consumption (no bars in the jungle) and lack of veggies/fruits/whole grains (tribespeople have to eat this shit).

Singer ignored all of that stuff, which – in scientific lingo – is referred to as “fucking retarded.”

Tornado eats a rainbow! Holy shit!

FF 2

 

The Story: Look at this picture! A GODDAMN TORNADO IS SUCKING UP A RAINBOW! Double rainbows are now lame af! Science is beautiful and wicked!

The Reality: Let’s address the elephant in the room. I’m of course talking about the fact that this post is from Tyrese Gibson’s Facebook page. With nearly two MILLION likes and more than one million shares, this definitely got post-sharing whores/idiots aroused.

I know that I don’t have to tell you that this is (terribly) Photoshopped. I shouldn’t have to tell anyone, but one quick glance at the comments reveals a sobering reality of stupidity:

Capture

 

According to Moe, if you “except” (sic) something, it’s real. That’s true, accept (sic) it isn’t. The silver lining here is that 99 percent of all comments were people pointing out that this defies the laws of physics, which leads me to believe that 99 percent of the shared posts were of similar nature. Tyrese sure did believe it, based on his caption. Then again, Tyrese’s Facebook photo albums are a collage of dumbfuckery:

Tyrese Collage

 

Oh, the irony in one of those pictures.

Obama is trying to gobble gobble up Thanksgiving!

FF 3

 

The Story: During a conference call, Obama pitched the idea of changing Thanksgiving Day to Celebrate Immigrants Day! This is according to a reliable source! #Obamanation

The Reality: Let me ask you a question: Even if Obama is the reincarnation of Satan, Hitler and Genghis Khan wrapped in one, do you honestly think that this would be on his agenda? Don’t you think Obama would think “Gee! This probably won’t go over so well and ruin my plot to manipulate and take over the world.”

Since reasoning may not be enough for some people, let’s try logic, i.e. facts (not like that changes people’s minds either).

The credible source of this information is Baltimore radio show co-host (red flag!) Susan Payne. She claimed on other conservative talk shows (red flag!) that she accidently received an invitation to participate in a White House conference call on immigration policy. Who was present? A White House task force, which basically means special interest groups. Who was not present? Obama or anyone high up the chain of command. Here’s the interview where Payne laid down the bombshell:

Essentially, someone from the special interest group made the suggestion, which was immediately replied with “Thank you for your suggestion.” In government conference calls of this nature, “Thank you for your suggestion” is code for “Fuck off.” I know this, because I have sat through a few of these mind-numbingly boring calls.

Verdict: A conservative talk show pundit took an insignificant quote and turned it into the Obamanation Armageddon Extravaganza Shit Show 2015! Shocker.

Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants.

FF 4 Feces Comparison

 

The Story: Margarine is bad for your health! How do we know? LOOK AT THESE ANTS! They won’t get near it! Debate over. #science

The Reality: Is it really all that shocking that a scientific argument from Eat Local Grown is actually anything but science? The above evidence falls under the following logical fallacies: false equivalence, incomplete comparison, ignoratio elenchi.

False equivalence: describing a situation of logical and apparent equivalence, when in fact there is none. According to the above image, foods that are better for ants are clearly better for humans. Dogs eat their own shit and puke because their digestive systems are built for it. BREAKING NEWS: All animals are not the same!

Incomplete comparison: in which insufficient information is provided to make a complete comparison. What kind of ants are those? Are their biological systems identical to ours? Where did the ants start from? How many times was the “experiment repeated?” Put a drop of Kool-Aid and a head of lettuce on the same plate. Put ants in the middle. Where do you think they will flock? Kool-Aid is healthier than lettuce, because nature, motherfucker! BOOM! [drops mic]

Ignoratio elenchi: an argument that may in itself be valid, but does not address the issue in question. Okay, so maybe “nature” does prefer natural butter over margarine. That still doesn’t address the issue of whether or not margarine is the devil’s creation via Monsanto or whatever the fuck Eat Local Grown is trying to prove.

But let’s go ahead and live our lives according to Eat Local Grown logic:

514894 irwzt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lindsey Graham wants to overthrow the government! FREAK OUT!

FF 5

 

The Story: Here’s the exact quote from Vox via Raw Story: “Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) vowed that, if elected president, he would use the military to force Congress to reverse cuts to federal defense spending.” Anarchy!

The Reality: Did Lindsey Graham really say that? Yes he did. Is it out of context? Kind of. Here’s the quote from Graham’s mouth, courtesy of a Bloomberg column:

I worried about this from day one. I’m sick to my stomach. [New Hampshire Senator] Kelly Ayotte has been awesome. And here is the first thing I would do if I were President of the United States: I wouldn’t let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We’re not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We’re not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts. Killing terrorists is the only option other than capturing them, because they’re not deterred by death.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what we call a “joke.” Let’s try one, shall we? “Ugh. I could literally kill that motherfucker!” Better call the cops! Listen, Sen. Graham is a giant piece of shit for REAL reasons. For example, Graham recently declared that he has never sent an email. That’s great, except for the fact that he’s on the Subcommittee on Privacy, Technology and the Law, i.e. Net Neutrality and internet stuff. Wow.

Too many people are taking things too literally, and it’s usually only when it’s convenient for their narrative. This week alone we have seen two cases. If you took the Thanksgiving thing seriously, you’re an idiot. If you honestly thought Lindsey Graham would use the military against the government, you’re an even bigger idiot. QUIT BEING IDIOTS!

Episode 230: Secret Racism

On the last episode of Soundtrack of the Week: Racism is a very real problem in the United States and the world in general. The issue needs to be addressed and who’s better qualified than three white people from the Midwest with a podcast? Seriously though, we talk about what thoughts we personally have that could be deemed racist or otherwise prejudiced. We confront our “secret racism” and hope to learn from it. Is everyone a little racist? Jay supplies a palate cleanser with a round of Google Feud (which Google stole from us).

Also in Episode 230: Lesbian Update, Kansas City is burning, Jay’s white trash experience, Ben Carson is a nutjob, suicide can land you manslaughter and more!

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