Opening Up the Culture Club



Why white people are so angry about everything black.

For those of you who listen to the podcast, you’ve probably heard us talk about Crazy Facebook Republican Militia Guy before. This person is exactly who you’d think he would be: white, ex-military, angry, hates Obama more than life itself, loves guns more than he hates Obama, and posts (or more accurately, re-posts) nothing but far right-wing propaganda every day. He is the base of Fox News and the GOP. He is also somebody I grew up with. Our environment was basically the same; he grew up down the street, went to the same schools. Yet, somewhere down the line, we were separated ideologically, which is fine. And though I barely know this person anymore, it did get me thinking: when did our dueling philosophies become intolerable to each other? When did we start fighting on opposite sides of a war?

Let’s set up some of CFRMG’s ideals. First, there is zero chance – in this lifetime or any other – that he will support the Democrats. Think about that real quick: there is NOTHING the Democrats can do that will ever earn his support. Second, he will never believe in anything other than guns are a basic human right. So, if one million American gun owners woke up tomorrow morning and shot their children in the face, he’d still say he’s responsible enough to have one so it doesn’t matter. Extreme? Sure, but that’s kind of my point: not even the most extreme of circumstances would shake this man’s blind faith.

Speaking of faith, between veiled racist posts about Obama and Michael Brown, the use of the word “hate” towards Nancy Pelosi and President Obama on a daily basis, this person would also like to remind you that he is, in fact, Christian. Never mind the fact that Christ preached love instead of hate and peace instead of violence. Also, don’t think about the fact that Christ never mentioned homosexuality (CFRMG hates dem fags). He’s Christian the way a lot of people in this country are: it’s the one ticket to heaven that doesn’t involve being a Jew or Muslim.

The thing I’ve noticed about CFRMG and others like him, is that nobody is quicker to pick a side. This is what we’re seeing with Ferguson. If there is a perception that a white cop shot a black kid because of skin color, it’s pretty obvious why the black community would be angry. But why in the hell is the WHITE community so angry? Perhaps this photo from his timeline will help explain:


This is, in essence, how white people see themselves. Flipping the bird is something all of our white grandmothers have done, yet here is used to display just how much of a “thug” Michael Brown is. Meanwhile, the magnificent white man below in full uniform is smiling – FOREVER SMILING – to remind us of the goodness of his Caucasian self. It’s posts like these that reaffirm every nasty bigoted thought in White Facebook’s head. The fact is neither of those pictures are true: Michael Brown didn’t walk around thugging all day and the gentleman on the bottom sure as shit has done some real bad deeds in his life. I know this, because EVERYBODY IS LIKE THIS. I’ve stolen from convenience stores. I’ve never got physical with the shopkeeper, but that has more to do with the fact that I’m a small little pussy. My larger (white) friends have, in fact, had similar altercations. It’s what young stupid people do.

But let’s get back to the problem at hand: why are white people all of a sudden SO ENRAGED that they feel the need to post inflammatory posts like that? Perhaps a video could help answer:

Fiction, yes, but all so true. In homes all across the country, the person sitting at the end of the table is more powerful than the greatest of teachers. This is where it starts. The truth that nobody seems willing to admit is that the cultures of different races within America are different, and when somebody who is used to one culture is forced to deal with another, that’s where the animosity begins. As someone who married into a different race, I can tell you: white and black holidays operate differently. And as someone who manages a bunch of people of different races, I can tell you: white employees and black employees operate differently. Neither one is good or bad, just different. However, if you’ve lived in one culture your whole life and have been given a certain set of values from your parents that reflects that culture, it is a good bet that you’d see anything outside those values as being “bad”. For example, I come from a quiet English/German household. We are insanely polite, non-confrontational, and only speak when spoken to. The first time I met my wife’s family, I noticed right away they weren’t having any of that shit. If there was a conversation going on and I didn’t immediately join in, it was deemed as me being rude. They all talk, they all engage. That’s their value system. Conversely, if any of them tried to have dinner with my dad’s English family, they would be the ones being rude for talking over people and being too loud. We’re just different, and that’s okay. Except, it is rarely okay in the minds of most people.

Affirmative Action pisses white people off not because underperforming black people are getting jobs, but because it’s forcing a different culture into white people’s lives. Imagine a mechanic’s shop of three white guys, listening to classic rock radio all day. They’re jamming to The Eagles and John Mellencamp. Then a black guy is hired, and he wants to put on rap music. I guarantee at least two of the three white guys immediately go to a racist place in their heads upon that request. They have nothing against that particular person or really rap music in general, they just want to stay within their cultural bubble. It’s when that bubble is popped that all hell breaks loose. So how do you avoid bursting the bubble? Remove the bubble.

Every culture wants to stay within themselves. It’s natural. The only two options for minorities are to assemble into white culture (The Tyler Perry method) or to open up their culture to others. I don’t suggest the former, because too often that leads to forgetting heritage. Also, white people are boring as fuck. What I do suggest is the latter. The problem with people like Crazy Facebook Republican Militia Guy is that all they know is white. And if they wanted to know black? They’d be made fun of. Just like kids of the early 90s (of which he was one of) who got turned on to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, or kids today who are accused of “white-washing” hip-hop with acts like Macklemore. I say let them. If white teenage girls want to twerk on Instagram, let them in with open arms. We can keep shutting each other out, but all that does is push each other further apart. I guarantee white fans of hip-hop and rap are less lightly to be racists than fans of say, country music.

This article, for example, is what I’m talking about: How to talk to white people about Iggy Azalea. It’s the same thing that’s been going on for decades: white people stole blues, stole rock and roll, etc. Who gives a shit? “Owning” pieces of the culture is not as important as the message those forms of art spread. The people who bitch about whites stealing their music are the same ones who will gladly accept the mansion that white kids pay for with record sales. I couldn’t even imagine looking at a young black kid getting into heavy metal and thinking, “man, stick to your own music”. Then we wouldn’t have this:

The Crazy Facebook Republican Militia Guys of the world will continue to be racist and hateful, and will probably teach their kids the same. However, while the greatest teacher can’t reverse a parent’s teaching, one thing can: a friend. And as friends, I think an open dialogue of sharing our cultures and letting each other in can do wonders. It’s why I was happily surprised to find black people at the Michael Brown rally I went to celebrating the fact so many white people showed up. I fully expected a roll of the eyes, because that’s exactly what white people would do.

Don’t do what white people would do.

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